Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Looking past the first wave

This weekend I had a revelation whilst surfing.

Don't always go for the first wave you see. My experience has been to wait and wait for a set to come in. When I catch sight of the first wave I get anxious and try to take that one, only for it to die halfway to the shore.

Then once I turn around, I see all these awesome waves that I now cannot get to because I decided to paddle into the first one I saw.

Totally a life lesson.

As some of you may or may not have noticed, I have been absent on my blog for a few months now. It's not because I've been lazy or neglectful.  It's just that the last few months have been an adjusting/redirecting phase in my life.
One of many to come I'm sure.

 However this one has been especially pin-prickly 'cause I'm an artist and I'm sensitive!

Sooooo, I started dancing in the professional arena in late 2008 early 2009. I did some awesome stuff and got to work with some AMAZING artists, choreographers and talent. When I started getting a good amount of work I decided to quit school and dance full time. I also began to neglect my first passion.


As much as I missed singing and performing and the hustle and grind of school, I decided that ignoring that and really pouring myself into dance would get me where I wanted to go.
I guess my thought was hey, I love doing this and if this is the wave that is moving,  I'm going to take it all the way to shore.

It was really good while it lasted. I had some opportunities that maybe a handful of people in the world could say they've experienced.

Then, I noticed things began to change. I had a falling out with people that I worked with, a lot of my dance "friends" seemed to have alienated me, I got released from my contracts,  and then the big one...I broke my ankle!

In 2011 I went in for surgery to repair the torn tendons and ligaments and shave/repair the bone that had begun to heal very, very incorrectly. That surgery was a doozy. It took months to stand on it, much less walk on it.

I can honestly say that I never danced the same again.

I don't know if it was the fear or the pain or a mixture of both, but I completely lost my mojo and was DESPERATE to get it back.

I attended dance intensives.
I trained everyday at multiple studios.
I spent all my money on dance classes.
I drove ridiculously far to attend schools and studios with great training.

As much as I worked and loved it (and still do love it) I felt myself being called and pushed in a different direction. Despite feeling this push, I wanted so badly to hold on to this thing that I once was. This ideal that I thought I had to reach again or I would feel like a total failure. I continued to ignore my intuition but gradually, I was getting more music offers, more opportunities to perform at different places. The tide started shifting and more time had to be focused on music and writing music than going to the studio to train.

I had some really great people sit me down and really make me examine what it is that I wanted.
I guess the Taurus in me refused to give in without a fight.

Well, fast forward to this summer--mid June.

One of the studios that I train at was having an audition for a scholarship program. Its a really elite program that delivers on amazing training and a top notch professional career. The day of the audition I told myself, if I get into this program then this is God's way of affirming my direction. If I don't get it, it's REdirection time.

Well I got pretty far through the audition and at one point I actually thought I had it in the bag, but...last!

So this decision triggered a major change in the course my life was taking.

I did my share of crying and moping.

Not because of the audition itself--an audition is an audition. They come and go like the wind.

I mourned for the path I had laid out for myself.

I spent so much time fighting the path God has laid out for me that I couldn't see all the blessing waiting for me just beyond the first wave.  I was so anxious to get where I wanted to go that I invested everything I had into that first wave without looking beyond it to see that there was an amazing set coming in behind it.

Enough with the soap opera bull sheep.......there have been major changes happening in my life. Lots of really cool things!!! Things that never would have come to me had I continued on the path I was on.

I know dance will always be a part of my life.  I love it far too much to let it go completely, but now I feel I have a better understanding of how it fits in with the rest of my dreams/goals.

I'm hoping to get back into a few classes soon...just for myself, but lately it's still been slightly too painful to walk into a studio. I know it will get better with time and yes, I know it may not seem like big deal to some, but it was once everything to me.

I suppose if I've learned anything from this experience, it's that listening and being open to the path laid out for me turns out way better than trying to force something that isn't working.  Sometimes it just takes some MAJOR patience to see beyond the first wave, wait it out for the big set right behind it.

But what do I know?

-just some random ramblings of a boi

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